When ADHD Becomes an Excuse

When ADHD Becomes an Excuse

When ADHD Becomes an Excuse

Has this ever happened to you? You are on the phone talking to your spouse and you stop mid-sentence and start to look for your phone to see if you have a text message. You panic while you are still in conversation and say, “ Honey, I can’t find my……?” And then you suddenly realize it is in your hand!!!!  Could ADHD become an excuse for you?

Is this just plain absent-mindedness or ADHD working memory?
Or is this you?

Do you find yourself making excuses for your “loudmouth” that shocks people into a burst of nervous laughter? You realize right AFTER you said something that the person you told it to was taken way off guard, shocked or insulted because you have that gift of reading people’s facial expressions AFTER you blurt out something without thinking it through first. But you know it is too late to go back. You have seen this expression many times before. So first, you apologize, “Hey, I have ADHD and we tend to act before we think!”   You try to smooth it over and then walk away with that dreaded feeling that you just once again inserted your foot straight into your mouth.

What is the fine line between taking ownership of your ADHD and using it as an excuse?

You wish it weren’t this way, but throughout the years, you have done this and you say the only thing you remember from your conditioned childhood is that you do things differently and sometimes offensively because you have ADHD.

It’s just who I am…..

it is common for parents to focus a lot on their ADHD children in an attempt to normalize their actions as much as possible, but it can backfire as they get older and become young adults. So much so that the person can get confused with their actual condition as most of their lives they heard that they could not do certain things normally because they are dealing with ADHD. At other times, they might have been constantly reminded about the diagnosis. In both cases, there are high chances of believing that they are not capable of doing certain things, internalizing negative perceptions about themselves. People start giving their condition as an excuse to others, saying they cannot do something because they are dealing with ADHD.

“Yes, I know I make a lot of mistakes but that’s because I have ADHD.”

Or you might hear, “I keep forgetting the formulas; I have issues remembering things because I am dealing with ADHD.” – all these and various other excuses could be potential scapegoats expression when they are trying to avoid doing something.

Focusing too much on the ADHD symptoms can lead to negative consequences – short term as well as long term. Therefore, it is essential to understand the difference between empathizing and making them feel low. Focusing on their symptoms to help them deal with them is different than making them think they are incapable of doing a certain thing. And there is a grey boundary between these two things. Understanding the difference between the explanation and an excuse is important as the difference is subtle.

Here’s how you can help

It is essential to look at different ways you can assist. For instance, your 10-year-old wants to go out for a movie with friends. You are worried because he gets hyperactive at times and when he is in that state, it can intrude in people’s personal space. Yet, you don’t want to stop him just because he has ADHD. The solution is to explain your concern instead of showing it as an excuse. Sit with him and describe the issue about him getting hyperactive. Don’t just show him his problem, also provide him opportunities or ways to role-play and offer solutions when he gets too much energy and needs to move around.

Focus on the solution of how they CAN do something. You can use role-playing for behavior outcomes. This strategy can be used for children and adults. It can help to bridge the desire to use ADHD as a self-defeating symptom and see there are other possibilities. You can also discuss strategies that help thinking patterns with a distraction or fidget toy. This can help the mind focus more. By considering strategies and resources to help the symptoms of ADHD, one can need to rely on it as an excuse and focus on what they can do IN SPITE of ADHD.

Raz Coaching specializes in helping people with executive function challenges associated with ADHD, PTSD, Stress, TBI’s and ASD find careers they will love and land them. Read more at www.razcoaching.com/about Or sign up for the weekly blog or purchase my new book Happiness+Passion+Purpose.  It is packed full of exercises and strategies you can put to use immediately.

Stop Being A Slave To Your ADHD

Sticking to a routine you know is what you need to succeed can be simply exhausting!   Stop being a slave to your adhd and make each structure you have in place be your shiny object again.   In this episode,  Michelle Raz, ADHD specialist puts a new twist on those old structures put in place  keep your life balanced.  She gives examples and few suggestion how you can repurpose those routines without losing the productivity.

You can visit her website at www.razcoaching for other tips, tricks and advice for living with ADHD.  She has blog articles and free downloads where you can put her advice to work.

ADHD: The Job Search and Procrastination

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder plus ambiguity equals stuck.  And stuck equals procrastination, especially in the quest of casting yourself in a career or a job. Think about it. What do you want to be when you grow up? Do you know what are you good at? Is there a perfect  job for you? How do you find it? In this episode of Attention Talk Radio, host and ADHD coach Jeff Copper has an open discussion with Michelle Raz.  She is the owner of http://www.razcoaching.com   and premier ADHD coach,.  The focus is around the challenges of getting past the ambiguity and procrastination for those with ADHD to get a job. Michelle brings some particularly enlightening expertise through working with college students. If you are looking to move forward in life, this is a show you don’t want to miss.

Attention Talk Radio is the leading site for self-help Internet radio shows.  The show focuses on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD).  This  includes managing symptoms of attention deficit disorder, adults with ADD, or adults who have children with ADHD. Hosted by attention coach Jeff Copper.  It is designed to help adults and children (particularly those diagnosed with or impacted by attention deficit disorder or its symptoms) in life or business who are stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated. It will help adults and children get unstuck and moving forward by helping to open their minds and pay attention to what works.

ADHD Coaching: My Personal Road

In this episode, I share with you my own personal road to ADHD coaching.  It has been many years, since I went down the road to research, investigate strategies and find the help my family needed.  It inspired me to launch a career in ADHD coaching over a decade ago. I am still going strong at it!  I look for new ways to inspire people and provide guidance on their own journey to find strategies that will work in their lives.

So that’s what is what has driven my passion for ADHD. Over many years I’ve been able to help hundreds of people. This journey has turned into  my passion and purpose.  I continue to want to share this with other people.

At Raz Coaching, I specialize in helping people with executive function challenges associated with ADHD, PTSD, Stress, TBI’s and ASD find careers they will love and land them

If you have a story to share about your own journey with ADHD, I would like to hear it.  email at [email protected] or visit my website for more information at www.razcoaching.com .   Or My academic site at www.coachingacademics.com
where you can learn how I help students succeed in college.    My academic coaching program is designed specifically for people who struggle with executive function challenges.  This is a very structure and high accountability program. It specifically deals with time management, working memory, procrastination, motivation and emotional regulation.  People have called it THE SILVER BULLET to college success!

If you know of someone that might need ADHD help, please send them to my website where they can gain a lot information for free.

 

My Story My Purpose My Drive

My Story My Purpose My Drive

I want to share with you my personal story of how I became an ADHD coach

My daughter is the story behind my story, my purpose and my drive to be an  ADHD coach.  She  was in fifth grade and we had been traveling in South America for four months during the school year. I worked with her during our home-school sessions and got to see how she was learning in a one on one environment. It was clear that she understood the concepts being taught. She was getting good grades in this environment.

Back from our travels, she settled back into the classroom but soon began to fall behind academically. It didn’t match up to me, and I couldn’t understand what was going on. I really did not know much about ADHD.

Being a former teacher, I began to research what could possibly be going on. It was when she took a math test that it really clicked for me. She had been practicing at home, and she knew the concepts. She took the test and nearly bombed it. When I got that paper back home, I looked at it and the whole front sheet of the test, she earned a 100 percent. As she turned her paper over, I noticed that she missed like ten questions in a row, and then she picked up and was able to finish out the last part of the test. So I thought, “What is going on here?” Something happened when she flipped that paper over, and she just blanked out.

It was an AHA Moment!

So, I took it upon myself to get onto the Internet and find out as much as I could so I could help her succeed at school. At that time, there was not a lot of information out there, but I pieced together some scenarios and thought, “You know what? I think she might have ADHD!” I went to the teacher to share my newly found knowledge, and the teacher said to me, which was so typical for girls. “Oh, she’s just a Chatty Cathy. She’s very social, and she just needs to focus more in the classroom.”

It was a dead end.

That was very typical at the time to think this way. They just needed to sit down and do the work and focus. Well, I thought, “ No, there’s more to her issues than that!” I personally knew because I was working with her one on one when we traveled. So I took it upon myself to go ahead and get a private psychologist to do a test with her. She went through a bunch of different battery tests, and sure enough, it came up that she was ADHD combined, meaning some hyperactivity and some inattentive.

And then, I started piecing everything together. I got the material and started reading about what this ADHD thing was or what this attention-deficit was all about. It finally all made sense to me what was going on with her. When we were in a small setting, she was able to be focused. She was able to get her work done and pay attention. But in the classroom, she was social, and she had a lot of friends, and she didn’t have that filter to get rid of those extra stimuli and just focus in the classroom.

She got distracted. A lot.

I was relieved and thought, “OK. Now we have something we can go to the school with, and we can say aha we know what the problem is now, and here are some ideas to help her and others out in the classroom.” Because, of course, I went and researched even further about some ideas of what could help a kid with ADHD in the classroom.

Being very green with my new found knowledge, I went to the classroom very excited with here’s what you can do, and I’ve done the research and I want to help you. I did not get the support that I wanted, and I was really disappointed in the system at that point.   The teachers didn’t know anything, especially in the elementary years of how they could be supporting kids in the classroom with ADHD.

A lot has Changed Since Then

It just wasn’t talked about enough at that point. So, I did the option of doing some home things with her and started giving her strategies.

And one of the things that actually worked for her was this: The next time she took a math test, I said to her, “When you find yourself losing concentration, and you’re getting bored, I want you to take a break: look at the clock. Look at the second hand (they still had the second-hand clocks in her classroom) and watch the second hand go around for 30 seconds and then focus on your math paper.”   Then, I gave her another tool. It was to cover up each problem and only look at the one question in front of her. This helped her, so that she didn’t get overwhelmed with the stimulus of all the problems on the paper.

That proved to be one of the tricks that helped her.

Well, that was the beginning of me starting to research and dig into ADHD. Because I was an educator, and have a graduate degree in curriculum and assessment, my interest was high.   I dug really deep, and started to educate myself as much as I could at that time. As the years went on, I ended up putting her in a smaller environment where she could get more one on one. Also, I started looking into coaching. It turned that  the research at that time was brand new about how you could take corporate coaching and bring it into an education level and help students. I actually got really excited about that and hired a coach for her.

Now, she was at this point in middle school. She was not ready for a coach, and that is one of the first things that we ask today, “Is the child, student or client ready for coaching?” If it could have been presented a little differently, it might have worked better, but at that time, she was just too young. So we tried it for a while, and I ended up being her coach.

I thought,   “You know, maybe I should get trained in this.” And so I went through the training, and that was the beginning of my journey of coaching. I became her coach. It was just within my own family to really embrace and understand and help my loved one.

I became one of the first trained ADHD coaches

Being an out of the box thinker, I’m continuing to investigate ways that we can have these external structures put in place so that these people with ADHD can have success.   Because one thing that I recognize with my daughter is that she was extremely bright and she got it when there was structure put into place, she was frustrated when she would lose attention and not understand what went wrong. We experimented with long-acting and short-acting medication, which helped, but the habits she had created to get by in the classroom stood in the way of sustained success.

It was hard as a parent to watch that and see that self-esteem begin to deteriorate. So, I was very proactive in finding resources for her. At that time, there wasn’t a 504 plan; there wasn’t an IEP for them. And I fought long and hard, and I actually ended up getting her an IEP. I’m telling you, I was a parent that probably would not have wanted to put my child on an IEP because I didn’t understand them. But once I went through the system, and I saw the benefits, it really saved her.

She is a success today!

She graduated, she moved on, and she’s a very successful little businesswoman today.   But she still has ADHD, and she has to have systems in place. Right now, we focus on financial stability in structures so that we can control some of the tendency to be impulsive with buying purchases. So it continues to go on overtime.

ADHD, they say, is a chronic disorder; that needs to be managed. And it can be. That’s the great part. It really can be managed between medication and solid structures in place. There is absolutely nothing that somebody with ADHD can’t do that really has the support behind them and the resources that are so so important.

So that’s what is what has driven my passion for ADHD. Over many years I’ve been able to help hundreds of people. This journey has turned into  my passion and purpose.  I continue to want to share this with other people.

Raz Coaching specializes in helping people with executive function challenges associated with ADHD, PTSD, Stress, TBI’s and ASD find careers they will love and land them. Read more at www.razcoaching.com/about Or sign up for the weekly blog or purchase my new book Happiness+Passion+Purpose.  It is packed full of exercises and strategies you can put to use immediately.

 

Find a Career Path In Your ADHD Challenges

Your ADHD Challenges Can Help You Find a Career Path

Many of us sense we have strong skills and unique expertise lying right below the surface of our everyday ADHD life, and we’re right.  We just need ways to see our struggles as the key to a fulfilling career rather than limitations to one. In this podcast, Michelle discusses how you can take your challenges and find the strengths in them to help you in your career path.  Go to www.razcoaching.com/downloads to get free pdf copies of worksheets for my podcasts!  Please share.

Is life coaching worth it?

Is life coaching worth it?

You understand what life coaching is, and you are undergoing the problems that a life coach can assist you with at the moment. But is life coaching worth it? Is it worth investing your time and money?

Studies conducted by the International Coach Federation in 1998 and 2009 points out several ways customers have discovered coaching to be useful to their lives.

–    Enhancing self-esteem and self-confidence

–    Enhancing interpersonal skills, communication, and relationships

–    Boosting business management and work performance

–    Improving career opportunities

–    Enhancing personal order and time management

–    Improving life/work balance

–    Promoting wellness, fitness, and health – reduced stress levels and increased energy

–    Stopping bad behaviour

–    Improving the quality of life

–    Increasing income

In both these studies, coaching customers reported that life coaching was worth the investment. According to the 1998 survey, 98.5% of the clients said that life coaching was valuable. In the 2009 survey, 99% of customers were satisfied with life coaching.

Another third study that was conducted in 2004 also had some various aspects that coaching clients found valuable. They include:

–    Being accountable

–    Being encouraged

–    Generating ideas with the coach

–    Being listened to

–    Having independent viewpoints

What Do You Get From Coaching

So, what are you likely to obtain if you decide to hire a life coach?

  1.   Goals and Priorities

A coach can assist you in setting goals and priorities, and direct you on how to put your most essential preferences first. Your goals could be anything from the things in your mind that hold you back to the world forces that fight against you. When you organize your list of goals and priorities, you and your life coach can come up with strategies through which you can accomplish your goals sensibly and feasibly. 

  1.   Motivation

Motivation is like a divine concoction when it comes to achieving what you aspire. If you have been struggling to get something done, there is a likelihood that you just lack motivation.  A coach will assist you in finding out why that happens, and deal with any restraining patterns or beliefs that are not working. Then they will go along with you to motivate you to achieve your goals.

  1.   Accountability

Another significant aspect that coaching can assist you with is accountability. Coaching provides someone to report to, which enhances the likelihood of following up and achieving your objectives.

  1.   Going Beyond Ineffective Strategies and Confining Beliefs

Every person is prone to think that things are not working for them. Life coaches can help you free yourself from these habits by presenting new viewpoints, recognizing your weak points, and inducing big excellent moments.

You also have some unproductive approaches you have been utilizing to make things work in various situations in life. Your coach can help you in forgetting these and developing new ways that will work for you.

After getting rid of what is not working, you will be able to concentrate on what you want and come up with new strategies to achieve it.

Is Life Coaching Worth Investing Your Money and Time?

Some questions clients have before hiring a life coach are: Is life coaching worth it? Can I actually afford the cost? Is it worth the time commitment?

Let us take it as a mathematical problem. There is a certain amount of time and money that you spend to meet your goals each week without a life coach. Let’s name that value X.

You will spend some money and time on life coaching. Let’s name that value Y.

To determine whether hiring a life coach is worth the money and time, we will subtract the value of Y from the value of X. If the value of X exceeds the value of Y, you will have a real saving. Even if you save $1 or 1 hour, you will have obtained value for your investment. 

For instance, if you spend $2000 to meet your goals now and the money you will spend on coaching is $1500, you will save $500 by hiring a life coach

You might be telling yourself that you don’t spend money or time at all – you are just doing what you do. 

That is a simple but misleading trick to take on. We usually come up with various strategies to do things. For example, we have a strategy for organizing our time or for finding a new job. We always don’t think much about these strategies, but we have specially adopted them. That is where we spend our money and time. 

If you are using an approach that takes longer than it could – and most likely you are – you are losing a lot of time. And as we all know, time is money. That means when you lose an hour in a day, you will end up purchasing more convenience foodstuffs, which will eventually end up costing you more. Another example could be that you want to reduce weight; if it takes longer than you wanted, you may be tempted to purchase “slim down fast” programs, books, and pills, which will cost you money.

So, every time you follow a strategy, you invest money and time. If we would spend less time and money by hiring a life coach to work with us than we spend on the strategies we are currently using, then engaging a life coach is worth the investment. Even saving a dollar or an hour is enough. But you will likely save much more than that, as indicated in the above examples.

Coaching on aspects that assist in achieving your career and business goals can also be subject to tax deductions. Speak to your tax advisor or accountant for more information. 

What Is the Cost of Hiring a Life Coach?

The charges of a life coach are relatively comparable to those of other adept professionals. The costs vary depending on the coach and the services provided. More experience and better training will mostly correspond to higher prices. 

Private life coaching that involves face-to-face interactions or one-on-one coaching sessions will usually cost more than group coaching or online coaching. The cost of private coaching ranges between $50 to $500 per hour, depending on the coach and the services provided.  

 

Author Bio:  Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.

ADHD and Defining your Personal Purpose

Do you know your personal purpose in life?   With ADHD you often have a focus and drive to gain the knowledge to be an expert in a field, What makes you truly fulfilled in life?  Here we discuss  it and how to make the most of it.  Go to www.razcoaching.com/downloads to get free pdf copies of worksheets for my podcasts!  Please share.